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Sorry, I’m a late comer to the bunch.
I agree with a lot that Hyper says. Teens, or kids in general know different things than those of my generation or my parents and so on. My daughter is a brilliant young woman but can’t cook to save her life. I personally took over the preparation for family meals around 13. But they definitely have the advantage of having access to up to the minute information. As for the social aspect, my children mainly use the IM programs to keep up with family members that live all over the US. I’ve even got a facebook account as that is the one message system I know my daughter checks daily.
Children should be treated with respect, but they need to respect their elders; if not the person the job that they do. I would not tolerate my children treating their teacher with disrespect. I have always allowed my children to express their opinion on things in a respectful manner. In the end, I am the parent and therefore entrusted to be their first and most important teacher.
A swat on the bottom (spanking and beating are two terribly different things) is a very effective discipline tool. I remember each spanking I gave my children while they do not. In our house it was reserved for things that would cause them harm… running out into the street, attempting to touch something hot etc. This discipline was designed not to hurt them, but let them know that this behavior is non-negotiable. Spanking does have an expiration date, once they’re out of diapers the swat on the butt or hand is no longer effective. And make I want to make this crystal clear, NEVER strike a child in anger. I do not regret ever spanking my children. When we lived in Japan, the houses were not child friendly. Each room had a kerosene heater that had two settings, hot as hell or off, the stairs were straight up. My oldest could walk at 9 months, he never did crawl, and he was a climber! I never was able to find a baby gate that child couldn’t climb in under 3 seconds. So a slap on the hand taught him not to touch the heater, and a swat on the butt taught him to stay away from the stairs. My youngest twin was holding my hand at 3, walking from the hot tub to the table where our extended family was sitting decided to take his hand away and run and jump in the deep end of the pool. His butt was spanked and he was banned from the pool area the rest of the week. Children NEED boundaries. But we also praised praised praised! Children WANT to please. And of course lead by example as Lenny says. I’ve never subscribed to the “do as I say, not as I do” theory.
I’ve said it a million times and I’ll say it again, the time to teach children respect and proper behavior is before they know how to talk back. I now have two adults and two teens. And I have to say it is pretty rare for them to “act up”. The oldest is LD, ADHD and has ALWAYS been respectful and well behaved. There was a brief stint with a medication change that made him Mr. Hyde. The twins are still teens and have their moments, but we discuss what behavior was unacceptable and what they deem is an appropriate punishment. Together we decide what the punishment is and further, how can we attempt to avoid the problem the next time it should arise.
Another thing that I have been very honest with my kids about is that I am human, I do make mistakes and I apologize when I do. I’ve spend my life avoiding the mistakes of my parents, but I’ve make new ones of my own. I love and cherish my children, I believe in them and trust them. I enjoy the fact that they come to talk things over with me and share their day. BUT I am MOM first and friend second.
I think Sabby has an excellent point, we're all coming from different backgrounds etc. Our baggage from childhood follows us to adulthood. I'm sorry that so many of us have been raised in disfunctional families. Any punishment that has been doled out has been prefaced and followed by "I love you very much, but I will not accept this behavior" (age appropriate of course).
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I've been married for 24 years and have four wonderful children.
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