I have been struggling with some depression, but overall, I am doing okay. I am finally starting to get a bit of calmness in my life. Although, I am facing immense pressure at work, relationship problems and some depression, I feel like my world is starting to spin a little slower. I am not over reacting to things as much and I am starting to take things in stride as they come my way. I feel like I have had a bit of maturity suddenly find me.

Yes, I would love to have the energy I had when I was in my 20s but being in my mid 30s is starting to give me a sense of serenity about my life. I don’t feel as rushed to get “things” accomplished. I have come to realize that what is important to me is not found in the things that I do or have but it is in my experience of the people in my world.

From the simple hello to a newcomer here on PC to the heart felt warmth of telling my mom I love her, it is the accumulation of those experiences and feelings that constitute the core of my life—everything else is “expendable.” Sure, I would be devastated to lose my job or house or things of that nature, but I would somehow survive it as long as I have the people in my life that I love.

Of course, even “having” the people I love in my life is not necessarily about them always physically being there, but rather it is in the experience of my feelings for them regardless of where the people may actually be at the time. My family and I are living in separate states but we are blessed to have a very strong bonding love that is not diminished by the miles between us. Also, an illness is threatening to “take away” somebody I love, but I know that my love for her will continue to be a part of my life even when she is “gone.”

So, it is most important for me to fully invest myself in the process of my feelings—to be fully present and fully aware of them so I can truly experience the love and the myriad other feelings that come about from the people in my life.

Sometimes my depression and anxiety causes me to isolate myself and I lose touch with the people around me. Those are the saddest moments that I have because even though the love is within me, I become unable to experience it. The only thing I seem capable of feeling is an immense black cloud of unrelenting depression.

Today, I am grateful for the many wonderful people in my life. I am also grateful that my depression has subsided enough so that I can truly experience those people. I have just taken a moment to feel…just plain feel and, thank goodness, I can feel more than just that depression.