LoosingControl, unfortunately if they are in the grips of alcohol and drugs, there may not be a lot you can do to help them. But, you can be there for them when they decide they have had enough of it. That means you staying clean and sober and taking care of yourself now. Yes, things can get scary and out of control when drugs and alcohol take over peoples lives. It is heart wrenching to watch those we love get hurt and especially when we know if they quit using they would not hurt as much. Hang in there and be strong. Be there for them when they are ready to stop using.