Thankagain for all your replies. It raelly helps a lot!
I feel more than ready to go and talk to my psyhiatrist about it now. All the nights i have been lying awake my thoughts have really helped me to understand. I always saw my life as very confusing but now actually see a pattern of high and low. I should have have got up and written it all down but didnīt want to wake up my son and husband. So i must try and clear my head and write everything down before going to therapy.
I always felt like i had just been down down down, but now i can easily see what brings me up into a manic state. Not that i get extremely manic, but i definately change my mood completely.
It can be when i get into a conversatioen about something i really believe in. Then i really get worked up, start to talk very fast and wont stop untill everybody agrees with me. i will get highly agitated, even angry if people cant see that what i say is the right thing.. I told my friend this the other day and she sighed and said that she was so glad i now knew because she actually always avoided getting into a discussion with me because of that reason
Also with regards to sex. I can go for moths without it, actually feeling repulsed by it, not being attracted to my husband at all. Then suddenly i will start to crave it 24/7, i will be fantasising about it all the time, wanting to be with everyone - man or woman. I have hurt my last partner of 6 years a lot being in this stage.
All the things i have done that i am sooo embarresed by, that is so against my nature, that i have kept as secrets suddenly makes sense to me..
I do hope i will soon find the right answer. The thought of my future being in someone elses hand is very scary. Imagine if they say i dont suffer from bipolar, then what do i do???
Not that i WANT to suffer from it, but it would be great to be able to finally put a finger on it and start trying to help me out of this unstable lifestyle!
Hugs from Lone who is very nervous
