one of the things that's so hard of depression is that it often doesnt make sense.
Recently there have been lots of studies that help us understand better what causes depression and how to help people with depression.
There are so many different things.
I'm sure the issues with the bf don't help.

I know this will probably be a tough week for you. Please hang on, you're not alone. I've had weeks like the one you're having - I come out of a down spot... look at what I was thinking, feel scared, shocked, even confused... normally for me a small part of me still wants it at the point.. but it's scary. Maybe talking about a med switch will help? Maybe your therapist will have something next week? Hold on, and lots of hugs