thank you all for your replies, i have been having internet problems on top of everything else.

i have suspected for a while i might be did, i have no idea if my T suspects it or not, i know there are things from my past that she is pushing me to remember, and i can't remember them. i have recently started talking to my sisters to try and fill in some blanks. my abuser from childhood died a few months ago, shortly before i started having flashbacks, and my first husband won't admit to any abuse, he never would. it took his 3rd wife claiming it and leaving him for his family to believe it.

i am scared, i want to know the truth about what happened to me, but it seems like the harder i try to remember the farther away it gets. i have spent the last couple weeks mostly hiding and crying, and i don't even know why i cry. hubby is convinced that i am mad at him and that everything that is going on with me is his fault. i don't know if that is his bipolar coming out or if he is just feeling bad because he can't "fix" me. i am so lost right now.

lost