I think I have damaged my nerves as my middle knuckle twitches so fast when I lay my hand flat.I think the doc is going to have to have a look Im going at 1.So Will keep you all informed..Just feel such a silly *****...Im hoping they dont say hospital to me otherwise I will crack.Thats the last place I want to go.........I feel so low.......My hand is infected I had to have a swab done and have just took it too the hospital.so many questions are going through my head at the momment I just want to go in bed and pull the covers over my head for the next 5 years.But like my mum said to me it would still be all there when I wake up........I feel such a stupid waste of space.Why Did I have to do it this bad.........Why Did''nt I realise That Burns are more dangerous ....I suppose Ive been lucky I mean all the injuries Ive done to myself have never been as bad as this.Dont know if thats good or bad.......I dont know.I just want to cry Its strange cause even though Im in alot of pain menterally and now phsyically...I still want to hurt myself again for causing my self to be like this.They are true when they say there are habits that you cant escape from..But I really want to stop doing this too myself I dont deserve this pain.........I dont deserve a life thats just chaos and pain.....I want help In stopping me doing this I want to find other ways of stopping this I hate alcohol Always been my other option.I want to feel normal and most important I want to be alive !!!!

I think thats all I can say at the momment...........