I am just plain exhausted and confused...I have been dxed with DID for over the last few years by more then one pdoc.. Have been hospitalized and have no memories, not of any faces of the hospital or nothing. Then things started to settle down and now the flashbacks the headaches the lack of or losing time? It's all so wierd and tiresome. I haven't been on my meds as I lost trust in the doctor I had and stopped them all. I had and do feel more ALIVE then I did on the meds but not sure what I am doing? I do see a therapist regularly and have had episodes where I can write to her and not remember it but I am so on guard when I am with her that I forget the things that are of importance? So I don't know how my system works? Basically I used to hear the voices chat within my head and my writings have even since I was young had different tones to them..Thing is what is really wrong with me? Could the four or five differnt doctors be wrong? I mean how can I know for sure? I am so confused and worried that I might not be taken care of myself..I have this overwhelming fear of who I really am and then I start to really let myself be and sink in my head and the fear and the tears are so much intensity I can't stand it? Sorry this is really a mess of conversation here..Just thoughts are so rapid I can't quite put anyone thing in to perspective..
Thanks for reading though and thoughts or ideas are greatly welcomed..
Miserycriz