Quote:
Originally Posted by Razzleberry
We have been to 3 sessions with this counselor. We had started going to a different counselor, but then he had a stroke! We only had 2-3 sessions with the first guy, so we didn't get too far.
So, I brought up the issue of the infidelity. I had an affair from January - June of this year, and also had a half-dozen one-night-stands back in 2006, and one short affair in 2004.
My husband basically says that he's over it, he doesn't care, he just wants to forget about it all and move on.
The therapist agreed with him!
I just don't get it. Aren't we supposed to work through issues in therapy, not just shove them under the rug and never deal with them again? Aren't we supposed to get into WHY I cheated, and fix it so it never happens again?
The therapist just told me I need to get over my guilt, and move on.
I'm just confused.
What are we supposed to talk about in therapy, and what is the therapist supposed to help us with? I just feel like it's a huge waste of time and money.
In our session yesterday, we discussed the lack of sex. The therapist basically sent us home with a 'homework' assignment to get lucky over the weekend. Okay, fine, but how does that fix 8 years of resentment? How am I supposed to deal with all these issues? I have lived in a sexless marriage / relationship for probably 6 of the last 8-1/2 years. One weekend of sex won't fix that.
I'm so frustrated.
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First let me say it is almost too weird that you are posting this. This is nearly the SAME exact scenario that I was in until recently. I was on the opposite end of the table however. I am also in the military and currently in Iraq and I learned that she had been seeing another guy since I've been here.
But back to your story. I believe, I am no therapists, but because the lack of sex you did not feel close to him. He neglected you, just as I neglected my wife. She also neglected me but in other ways.
I started working on my car ALOT more once she kept letting me down in the marriage. The car became an obsession with me and I neglected her even more.
Simply put, if he neglected you and your sex life wasn't something that you were happy with and he didnt try to fix it or tell you why his sex drive was down, then it was neglect. He has to look in himself on why his sex drive was down.
I remember reading an article online (cant find it now), but the best way to increase sex drive is to just do it. I don't know how true that is because I am filing for seperation right now. But I tried I realized my faults. Your husband needs to look in himself to find out why the fire went out of the marriage.