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i read all you said. it sounds so familiar. i have been dx for 14 years. i have gone back and forth so many times am i? am i not? who am i? what am i? noise, confusion, feelings...
part of the deal with d.i.d. is that we use denial to survive too. it is one more tool. after 14 years, recently i read something and flipped into a state where i was absolutely convinced that i was never d.i.d. and even went to talk to my therapist and she patiently went back over this with me and told me the info. that made me question my dx was put out by people with a vested interest in denying d.i.d.
if i gave any advice it would be to recommend you be kind to yourself and go easy and gentle. there has to be a reason that different pdoc's would all give the same dx to you.
you said "i'm exhausted and confused." this tells me you need to take care of yourself before you decide anything. sleep some, eat better, take care of your body and that will help you no matter what is the truth. it is almost impossible to make good decisions if you are exhausted and unable to think clearly.
so....be gentle and kind to yourself and wait. let things settle down. do whatever "healthy" things you do to nurture yourself. avoid any extremes, don't make sudden decisions, don't do anything that might hurt you.
you will get through this time. there are good and kind people here, get to know them and in time you will sort this out.
these were the things that have helped me go through these years and i have come to acceptance of my dx of d.i.d. I am dissociative and it saved my life and my mind. i am a remarkable survivor and i may be scarred but i'm still here and i'll get through today's deals and tomorrow's. keep coming back.
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  HEALING HAPPENS
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