Griffe, I am so very sorry you are going through such a terrible time.
You are in my thoughts...

Our situations are different, but I was also facing the possible amputation of my right leg. It's an unbelievably frightening and very, very lonely feeling.

So I don't forget--Re the pain; your physicians are required to do whatever is necessary to lessen your pain. My own were, and still are, very good at listening to me. We were only able to reduce mine from a 10 to about a 6-7, but it was nearly tolerable and allowed me to sleep.

Frankly, distractions didn't work for me. I had to finally face the reality of what might happen...I cried, was very angry, the loneliness of it all was horrid, and my energy was totally gone.

Please, if you feel that your T can be of any help to you--Call.
In fact, accept any offer of help...it's a sign of strength and of courage to allow others to help you. That help may only consist of quietly being with you, whether physically or spiritually.

"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares. ~Rev Henri Nouwen"
Those who did this for me gave me hope...

There is still a 50-50 chance my leg will need amputated...this last surgery on my spine was a necessity, but it also rearranged, so to speak, what we worked so hard to stabilize.

Please know there are people who genuinely care for you, and they will not leave you to face this alone.
You have my support, Griffe. PM or email if you just need to vent with someone who has been in the same heartbreak...

Cap