Ok, let's try this again----I was almost done with my reply and suddenly I got the "blue screen of death". Curious. ANYWAY!....Sweety, you know that there is nothing "wrong" with you that caused this to happen. You cannot control what John does and nothing-NOTHING-you did or said or thought or didn't do made this happen. His actions are his own. He himself made the decision to do what he did. Again, his actions are his own. Under no circumstances am I negating the pain the you are going through, but maybe your pain will lessen a little if you just grieve for the loss instead of adding your self-blame to it. Trust me, I have two divorces and one 9-year relationship that just ended under my belt and I still grapple with the fact that I cannot control their actions, just as they do not make me feel inferior or defective--I, unfortunately, choose to feel like that. Please don't think there is something wrong with you. Grieve for your loss, but don't beat yourself up thinking you could control what happened by some character flaw of yours because that just isn't true.