I have not been "right" since I stopped taking Effexor XR 2 years ago. Let me rephrase, I haven't been "right" since I STARTED taking Effexor XR 3 years ago.

I went looking for the pills. I was suffering severe anxiety but it was no different than the anxiety I'd lived through for the previous 25 years. I just wanted to take a chance on feeling normal and things being easier... Other people take pills and their life gets easier, why not me, right? Instead of having those happy results, I'm wondering if it was the worst decision of my life.

Within a month of starting Effexor, I became suicidal for the first time in my life. I stayed on the meds, increased them at the psychdoc's request, and my life just was a blur. I can barely remember that year other than the "fits." Worst of all, I worked in the field and it took an extreme incident to even alert me to the fact that the medication could be the cause of my new issues.

If I missed a dose by 30 minutes, I would go into hysterics. Crying, shaking, wanting to die, and I have NEVER, EVER, EVER been like that before in my life. There was an episode where I lost my wallet on my way to to the pharmacy to fill the prescription, had to have the doc drop off samples at the crisis station, and I spent 2 hours with extreme nausea, dizziness, and suicidal misery.

The next day, I decided it was time to come off so I did some web searches, saw that many others had similar problems and didn't ask, but told the psychdoc I wanted a bridge prescription for Prozac, I took atarax antihistimine to sleep through the worst of it, and I was off it it a year after I started that treatment. That same summer, I overdosed on percoset (my rx for an infection), rum, and ativan but it wasn't intention, it was just total apathetic not caring. That's another thing I'd never experienced before in my life... I have always been so very careful.

Since then, I haven't been right in the head. I have frequent intrusive thoughts of just "ending it" that are totally irrational. I have no plan and no intent and can't forsee a scenario where I would... but it just sucks that I even have those thoughts at this age. I get depressed so much more easily. The 100lbs I gained during my year on effexor has not went away at all. I'm constantly sick to my stomach. The anxiety is more difficult to mediate. I have an autoimmune condition too and it seems like I flare more frequently now too.

So, not to blame the world's problems on medications, I know they saved lives and I was hoping that this medicine would be my answer... but honestly, it made things so much worse for me. So, this is super long but I'm just wanting to see if anyone else had a similar experience and if so, if you ended up trying another medication or if things healed through psychotherapy/diet/etc.

I promise I'm not knocking medication, I know sometimes it takes a lot of trial and error to find a fit but I also believe strongly that it isn't a good fit for all people and can do serious damage if misprescribed. I haven't taken any psychopharm meds in 2 years. I found a doctor who suggested ativan and propanolol for anxiety. I do not take the ativan but I have continued with the propanolol and love it. It treats the physiological side of anxiety. One tiny pill and my body immediately calms down and my mind follows. It is my miracle drug BUT if it doesn't work, I'm stuck, it's not like a benzo where you can just take another if it doesn't work. Since it's a blood pressure pill, even 1 too many could make my pressure dangerously low.

Ok, I'm finished ranting, I'm just finally going to be able to see a psychiatrist again (if I choose) when my insurance kicks in and I'm wondering if this is worth bringing up. I'm sort of afraid they might just say... well, your symptoms are proof that you need more medications. Maybe I do need more meds but I don't want to exclude the idea that meds are how things progressed to an unmanageable state either. Thanks in advance.