Lately I've noticed that I don't pay attention very well. My husband will talk to me, usually about the stock market, which I have no clue about, and I just nod my head as if I'm interested when actually I'm in my own little world thinking about myself. He talks about it constantly and I cannot take it. I feel so dumb because I don't want to take the time to learn any of it either. I feel like I don't have the power in my brain to learn. Whenever people talk to me and the conversation gets boring, I start to think about myself and what I'd rather be doing and so on. I even let my mind wander during my group therapy for drug and alcohol addictions and for my regular therapy as well.
I think, I know, it's the meds. I'm an intelligent person. But nowadays I chose not to be. It's like I can't control it, but my brain wants to be lazy. I don't want to learn anything new. It all seems so hard. I have to read things over and over again to understand them. I really have to think sometimes before I speak otherwise I won't make sense, the words won't come out right.
I hope I am making sense now to someone out there. My mind is just a big ball of confusion.
What makes matters worse is that my husband called me a dumb *** today because I want to stay on my Topamax (dopamax) even though it's making me like this. You see, it's the only drug that has really leveled my moods. And I lost alot of weight from it and I am afraid if I go off it or lower the dose that I will gain weight. I am SO afraid of that.
My current meds are Topamax 125mg., Lamictal 300mg., Abilify10mg., and Welbutrin 300mg. I just started the Welbutrin several months ago and that's really when I started noticing this behavior, although I have read that Topamax makes you "stupid" so to speak.
I wouldn't mind a decrease in any of the meds, just not the Topamax.
Does anyone else have the "stupids" like I do?? And what meds do you take? And do you think it is caused by the meds?
I'm on disability for my bipolar, so thankfully I don't have to deal with the public much.
I'd appreciate any of your input.