POSSIBLE TRIGGER!!!!!? PLEASE be careful


:sovb: banghead

I want to die (please don't worry, I don't think I'll ever be strong enough for that)
I can't do this anymore........ I'm so so so so f=depressed and I can't live like this anymore I HATE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this evening.............. I was organising with my mum to see a theatre production for my birthday... my mum was going to book tickets for both her and me to see Cabaret and she asked if I wanted to invite 'K' (don't really want to put name).... K has always been an 'odd' friend... she's a bit two aced and always manages to make me feel worse and really depressed. (e.g. she'll say nasty comments bout me meaning them as a joke, I confronted her and said that I know she sees them as a joke but it really really does hurt me... she still does it and always had... and tat's just the start) anyway... I phoned K just now to invite her to see Cabaret with me and my mum... we talked a bit (at this point I want to tell you that I haven't told K about mine and Johns break up... purely because I dont trust her as a friend and knew she would make it worse)... well, when I phoned her I didnt think she knew... but she tilold me over the phone that she found out through Facebook (don't know wether its big in US but some Brits have it... I dont, I never kiked it purely because I didnt have any mates and I hated seeing all the comments and such on my ex's 'profile')... anyway, she was pretty awful about it and has upset me loads
I WANT TO DIE I HATE HIM, but I really don't hate him I want h, back.... how can he 'love' me so much one minute and cause me all this grief the next! 'cause that's what it is! GRIEF!!!!!! my boyfriend AND BEST FRIEND are dead!!!!!! gone forever!!!!!

I can't type anymore :sob... sorry, I'm in such a state :sobL I can't do this.... I have noone in real life, no friends...... jus my mu, and I should be gratefl for that..... oh I' an AWFUL person!!!!!! Lsob: