I was diagnosed the other day with Cyclothymia a less severe form of bipolar. This summer I got a DUI and up to that point I have done many reckless things in my life. I am currently unemployed and have been for almost two years. I have been fired from 2 good jobs in the last five years and have up and quit from three in the same period.

I'm on probation for the DUI and as a condition I must find a job or I can go to jail for six months. I accept what I did and expect to be punished but now I find out that I have a mental illness things are starting to make sense with me about my behavior since I was a kid.

I am really upset because of this jail time hanging over my head because I finally am getting help for my problem and because of this problem I have made so many bad choices that who is going to want to hire me because of all this bad stuff in the past?

I also get so much anxiety when I'm around people including family that I can't stand it. I started on meds the other day and they make me feel groggy, dizzy, blurred vision, and a little unstable on my feet. I understand its going to take a while to find the right combination and dosage for my illness. When I told my probation officer my diagnosis he kind of rolled his eyes like I was trying to make excuses for not having a job. I want to work and be just like everyone else and not have to take meds but Its not going to be like that but I just don't know what to do right now.

The part that makes me most frustrated is that when I was a child the school psychologist told my parents that something wasn't right and instead of listening to him they along with my pediatricion decided I was just a happy little boy. Well I was overweight, had no friends, wet the bed til age 18, missed 25-40 days of school per year, and my grades were very close to failing every year. Maybe if they had gotten me help back in 1978 when I was 6 I wouldn't be in the mess I am now.

All I want is to be a good guy that can take care and support himself! I just don't know what to do right now.