every time I go down, I hurt the people around me by being down.
That's bad enough. Especially for my bf who sees everything.

But then - I just bailed on a job... leaving the people one person down and they can't find a replacement. Even worse... yesterday I had a panic attack and couldn't make it to another job - it was a music thing that was going to be recorded. that's REALLY bad.
I put my schedule down to an absolute low and even now I can't handle anything.
I hurt people by my very existence and I hate it -.-