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Rhombus! Sorry to hear about this frightening experience and so hard to be alone thru it. Are you living at home? What does it mean when you say you feel the "glass panel?" What is that? Does that mean you are relating to this alter thru the panel? Is this person you are referring to an alter or someone in you household, or other that you are afraid to hurt? Maybe you have to find some other friends to relate to that will help you instead of working to hit you with the negative all the time. Hope you feel better. Keep posting. We are listening.
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Well the good news is I'm seriously considering telling my parents about the sexual abuse I experienced when I was 15. I feel it's closely linked to my symptoms. I am 20, but live at home with my mom, while attending college.
The glass panel is like a wall between me and everyone else, but it's obviously an invisible wall. When I'm behind the wall, I can't relate to people at all. I feel like they aren't even real people, like maybe they don't really exist. It's not just people, but things too. Things that would normally be important to me I have this huge mental distance from.
If I'm talking to someone I'm close to, like my boyfriend, I'll tell him I feel different, weird, fake, dead, but I can't really explain the feeling beyond that. That's what the glass panel is, an extreme mental distance not just from my emotions but from everything, even my own body. He'ss been very supportive about it though, and he's the one who's been encouraging me to talk about the sexual abuse.
The biggest hurdle is when I'm dissassociating, you can be the most important person to me in the world but I won't be able to feel any connection to you whatsoever. I am cut off from the world, and I just have to wait for it to pass.