I think we have just been emotionally disconnected for so long, that is why there is no physical affection. It's not just sex, it's any form of romance. There is always an excuse - working late, kid not sleeping at night, just too tired..everything.

I know we need to figure out the emotional stuff first. But I don't know how to address it in counseling. He just asks us what we want to talk about today. He doesn't really guide it very much.

It's not all about sex. Sex isn't everything. If my huband was in an accident and paralyzed from the waist down, I should be happy to live the rest of my life without sex, right? If my husband went to Iraq, I should honor him and wait until he got back, right?

So it's not about the sex, really. It's that there is no romance, period. I feel like we are in a brother-sister relationship, not a husband-wife. I do know that he loves me - I used to doubt it, but after some crap I pulled this summer, I finally realized that he does actually love me, or he wouldn't still be married to me. But it's not romantic love. We barely even kiss anymore, we never 'flirt' with each other, never cuddle, never have a night together alone. Anytime I try to suggest getting a babysitter for the night, he finds an excuse not to.

And I feel guilty to even complain about anything, because I am the one at fault. I am the one who screwed up. He didn't do anything wrong. Not his fault he has no sex drive. I should have communicated how I really felt. I never talked about things because I didn't want to hurt his ego by reminding him that he wasn't satisfying his wife. That would only make matters worse. So I kept my mouth shut, and quit trying for anything. Just waited for him to initiate...which never happened.

Anyway...I'm not sure what to do. I don't really want to start all over with a new therapist. And this one is 2 doors down the hall from my (individual) therapist, so we can coordinate the appointments one after the other. I go to my shrink at 9:00, then marriage counseling at 10:00, then we go to lunch together at 11:00 and I get to work at Noon. It's working out really well for my schedule. And my husband seems to like this therapist. I don't know.

How do I explain to the therapist that I still want to work through these issues? Or how do I get over them on my own?