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Oct 26, 2008, 08:09 PM
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Member Since: Jul 2008
Location: New York
Posts: 352
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I've been in a sticky situation, but don't know what or how to manage anything anymore.  I'm totally relapsing, but don't know how to fix it. Currently, I'm about to go back to my old school, the one I left after having an extreme crisis. I went to the hospital after a serious phone call to my T then went to a psychiatric center and currently at a day treatment center. I really don't know what to do. I want to hide everything from my therapist so i can just be normal and back at my regular school. There are serious behavioral problems where I'm afraid to go the the day treatment center because I'm afraid of my safety from the other people in my classes. Overall, there are so many things I'm looking forward to if I go back to my old school. I'd regain my old T who I really bonded to (I've been switched to 2 different therapists and 3 different psychologists within 9 months and have an attachment disorder) I can't seem to work with anyone of my T or Psychiatrists. I keep on hiding everything from everyone because everyone says that 100% I'm ready to return back into my old school and just start over. In the meantime, I'm having horrific dreams  that are so triggering and am now tending to bite myself for the sake of personal comfort.  It's not considered SI because I don't do any damage to myself. I haven't SI in over 8 months and am now worried that it might start again. I need some advice and comforting support badly.  I feel like I'm treading water  so I don't drown in relapse, but am hiding my internal injuries of mental health for psysical health's sake. 
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"Life is like photography, you use the negatives to develop"
"When the world says 'Give up,' Hope whispers 'Try it one more time'" ~ Unknown
"To dwell in the here and the now does not mean you never think about the past or responsibility, plan for the future. The idea is simply not to allow yourself to get lost in regrets about past or worries about the past or worries about the future. If you are firmly in the present moment, the past can be an object of inquiry, the object of your mindfulness by looking into the past, but you are still grounded in the present moment"
 Thich Nhat Hanh
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