View Single Post
 
Old Apr 03, 2005, 03:03 PM
wi_fighter's Avatar
wi_fighter wi_fighter is offline
Magnate
 
Member Since: Apr 2005
Location: Tornado country
Posts: 2,544
:wave_hello: This is my first post. A friend from another web site sent me over here. Thanks BamaSurvivor.

I battle on and off with depression. Usually it's off, but when I have to deal with my ex-husband who's controlling and an emotional blackmailer I tend to go into a slump and feel helpless. He moved me away from my friends and family around the time I started having job success. 15 years later and I still haven't made any friends in this community. Four-plus years after being out of the same house as him, I still have made no friends. I still go out and do things alone, keeping my chin up and not dwelling on the alone-ness in public, hoping that someday I'll make one friend and then that will turn into more friends.

Right now I'm in a bit of a low spot. I'm tired of being 100% alone but I don't feel I have anything to offer anyone even as far as friendship. I try to focus on the positives in my life - my kids, my pets, my good physical health, a roof over my head, a job - but then I weigh it against the fact that my ex still tries to control me with emotional threats, and some days I just can't rise above it. I start to think I'm worthless and incapable of anything.

I know you have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with anyone else, and you can't rely on other people to MAKE you happy. But having some real live people to interact with occasionally would make that process so much easier.

I don't want to ruminate about how horrible my life is, because it really isn't except in a few spots. Unfortunately, some days those few spots want to take the spotlight and all I want to do is stay miserable.

Hopefully I can come here on the down days and sniffle in public and get over it so it doesn't eat away at me for too long.
__________________
If you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much space! Rondeau