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purplebutterfly · Oct 27, 2008, 07:55 AM

My emotions are all over the place- im crying, im numb, im angry, all at the same time or one minute im crying the next im numb- what is going on- too many emotions for one hour i can not handle it- im on top of the world for one minute then im off to the deepest depression the next- **** i hate ****ing bipolar- i hate it- when can this demon release me- im so ****ing depressed right i just want to cover my head with my comforter and cry myself to sleep- im not sleeping well or eating- ive actually lost weight- yea its a good thing cuz im a fat *** but not losing in the healthy way- maybe im just falling apart having a breakdown- its coming very fast and i know it not going to be pretty, the rage the tears the depression the cutting the trying to get my life back together somewhat- ERGGGGG!!! i just want to scream right now and no place to do it! Im in tears right now, what do i do now?

Im always coming here for help and for a shoulder to cry on, im pathetic im a loser im not worth anyones concern - basically im not dealing with life right now- its to hard to deal with i just want to give up and just walk away from my body and my emotions - does this make any sense - NO im sure it doesnt because i ****ing suck - im useless im just talking and no one is listening - made appt to see a new therapist - scared to go but i have to - i really need to be on meds - i take them for several weeks then decide im better in my ****ing mind that im cured or better and go off of them or go off of them because i no longer want to be tied down to taking meds- ERGGGG------im not a good person - make it go away! what did i do to deserve this disease!!