oh purple hunny ((((((((((purple)))))))
I'M LISTENING! I HEAR YOU!

You did NOTHING to deserve to feel this way and you are a good person.
I do hope you find the courage to keep the appointment with your new therapist, say to yourself that you can do it (even if you think you can't), say it over and over again... I know you can.
Please consider going back on meds again... I know it's not ideal and you don't want to be on them (I haven't started taking mine yet 'cause I'm petrified and just DON'T want to be on meds... but I'm gonna have to 'cause I'm a mess)... we can do it together, eh? Just consider it, I know things are tough for you right now, just want you to feel better even if it's just a little bit.

Stay safe purple
Take care,
Molly