i recently broke up with my boyf of two years because i realised i didnt love him and he had a history of aggression and when we would argue it would sometimes get physical. i dont regret breaking up with him, but since then i have become almost unrecognisable to myself because of my actions and dont know how to stop.

in the space of 2 months, i have slept with four different guys, one of which turned out to be a stalker and i had to go to the police to get them to warn him off so to speak. i am constantly getting out of my head drunk on the weekends, even some week nights, and am having memory blanks nearly each time recently. and i know i am making a bad name for myself. i dont crave alcohol, it just feels good to escape from what has now become such a lonely and boring week on my own (as i was living with my boyf previously) and if i dont drink, i take drugs such as ecstasy or anything that acts as an "upper" on a night out. i thought i was just on a rebound situation at first, but i am actually ashamed and embarrised of myself right now as i always seem to have some situation with some guy to worry about. i feel i need to run away and escape from everything that is happening right now, i am working, but my behaviour is leaving me feeling unmotivated and my career is suffering, which is something i have worked so hard at previously. i dont know how to escape this vicous cycle, if im at home alone i hate it, and the mornign after a night out i regret almost half the night!

i am also constantly watching what i am eating and counting calories/grammes of fat and trying to walk everwhere if possible and i even tried to throw up my food the otherday but stopped half way through, i have a history of bulimia and know that i dont wanna go back down that route! so things have been okay food wise since.

i always put on a brave face and come accross as quite a happy person but i am so worried about myself.if anyone has some advice for me or personal experiences that could relate it would be much appreciated x