thank you all for understanding my point of view!
sometimes being different is not acceptable, but I don't really care...as I wrote in my profile info, I hear a different drummer.

to be honest, it took me awhile to get out of that web of fear. If I felt good, I didn't enjoy it 'cause it wouldn't last. If I felt bad; well, that was my proof that life was really hard--gee, talk about boxing yourself in! it

I don't remember who told me to get off my butt and start enjoying life. They suggested I had become stagnant in my lifestyle--moaning and groaning and not doing a thing to change. The one thing that angered me was the very pointed remark that perhaps I was getting some kind of payoff from it.
Sometimes the truth hurts! They were right, of course.

I had shackles from the past to unlock, and felt so free as more and more of them fell off. Reborn! An incredibly scary feeling to accept that I could be me, just like I am, I didn't have to listen to unreasonable demands.

Within an hour--or less--I can go from feeling quite pleasant to being very cranky back to full of joy.
And it's all right. It has nothing to do with my value as a human, I'm not graded on having a variety of feelings, and there is no race to a destination...
I so hate that word! Destination. If that's all we focus on...we are missing so much. So much.

Cap