I'm no doc, but it sounds like that psychiatrist was way off! Giving more of a med that's triggering suicidal thoughts? I don't get it.

It really sounds like you are hypersensitive to Effexor. Some people complain of weird side effects and withdrawal symptoms with it...you seem to have gotten those problems multiplied by 100.

I'm glad the propranolol works for you, at least sometimes! I have taken it to control hand tremor.

I think there are other meds you may do OK with, that will not be a repeat of Effexor. For example, Wellbutrin seems to "behave" differently from other antidepressants...that's one possibility maybe a new psychiatrist will offer. Good luck with the new psychiatrist...maybe they will suggest a meds route, maybe not. Just let them know how bad your experience with meds has been in the past.