I had more questions but can remember only 1

If alcohol has makes people feel mad or bad (ie - violence, suicides), then why does it make the person feel so good and relax (which is why I like to drink). Lately, well, past few months, when I'm not drinking, I'm anxious, high-strung, stressed out (even a new employee noticed on his second day at work), very cranky, sarcastic, all those pleasant things that people like.

I don't like myself anymore because of this, and when things get bad, I feel that my only choices are either drinking or hurting myself. Thought drinking was the lesser of 2 evils?