I agree with Christina, that some councelling might be helpful to help you figure out what's driving your behaviour and make changes. But I also think you really need to think about your drug / alcohol use.

I can totally relate to wanting to drink to make things more exciting or to escape feelings. Been there, done that, got the liver damage to prove it. The thing is, long term it doesn't really help and just makes everything worse. You've said that you're starting to drink during the weeks and you're having blackouts - escallating use and blackouts are both really bad signs that you might have an addiction problem, that and feeling like you're out of control, probably means that you're drinking isn't healthy.

I've never personally done drugs, it never was my thing, but I've met enough people in rehab to know that they can seriously mess you up. They're dangerous period.

I know stopping using is really hard, and may seem like a really scary proposition, but it is possible. And it is possible to get your life and career back on track before it get's any worse.

Personally, I needed a formal treatment centre to stop drinking, not everybody does, lots of people recover with treatment, but it does help to have support.

I go to AA and find that they've given me an incredible amount of support and help in staying sober and getting my life back. You might want to consider giving AA or NA a try. They'll be in your phone book. It might seem scary at first, but it's worth trying to get help before your life becomes any more unmanageable.

Don't know what time zone you're in, but we have a recovery chat here every Wed. at 9:00 pm EST, if you feel like dropping in and just chatting or asking questions about recovery.

--splitimage