Neri, what you've asked is almost exactly what's in a lyric of a song that i like.......i was so shocked when i read it. Guy Clark wrote the song..i know what you're talking about..i guess we all cope in different ways....i wish that you had a friend nearby that you could express yourself to. i hate when this happens. can you write down your feelings? that's what i do...is there a relative that you trust?i wish i could help you more........pat