I think I know what you mean, in that when you feel up again, you think you can handle things... but then you go back down and nothing seems managable. It kind of keeps you from searching for help while you are able to... icky.

Don't be embarrassed for the way you feel. Lots of people feel the same way you do. There's nothing to be embarrassed about.
don't be afraid to admit what you've been feeling and find help while you're up. The way you feel when you're down is not rational... so of course it seems silly. But that doesn't make it any less real.

*hugs* I hope you feel better.