((cantstop))))) you have great advice for others, at least you are helping us get motivated to do at least something! dont feel bad for your advice or that you want to help.. everyones situation is different and we may need to try a whole bag of ideas before we find the one that works... how else can you know if you dont ask what he's thinking?

for me i guess i have to find some way to hear what the other person is saying better and the other person is helpful by allowing me to learn to listen correctly.. in turn we are able to work on our own communication skills individually and together, and the whole process improves over time... yes, its a little challenging because we are dealing with so many past issues that neither knows about fully yet and emotions can be sensitive at times..

also, keep in mind that with phones, e-mail, even snail mail, we are limited in the amount of sense perceptions available that might indicate to us what else is going on for this person... if we could see a pained or happy expression, that is a signal to us of what we might choose as our next statement.. without that connection, there is a lot of guess work and the best thing imo is to consciously consider what the other person may be thinking that they havent said.. there might be a lot more going on than we are aware of and kind, loving patience will create the best atmosphere for it to come to the surface and be discussed in a caring way together as a team..