neri,

feelings are not about shoulds and should nots. You feel as you feel and you expressed feeling bad. ((neri)) That sounds unpleasant to say the least to feel that way.

It sure does hurt when we lose contact with someone who provides a major component of our support network.

That's why they're called networks. Network definition: an interconnected or interrelated chain, group, or system. Chain. Group. System. These words are used in the plural. And I bring this up to show that we need more than one outlet for getting through these diseases/disorders.

Depression can be brutal in how it distorts thinking (as can many other diseases/disorders). I remember some of the darkness and know how hopeless it felt. I managed to get through the long times of depression with a varied and wide network of support. And updating that network as necessary helped me as well!

I know you are feeling badly but I want you to see how positive it was for you to come here and express yourself to us. You opened up to us about being crushed and feeling bad. You have support on this site. I know it isn't the same as an IM buddy however don't knock us too much

Take good care. You're a work in progress neri.....over time will you see the progress you are making. Just stinks when we can't see it right now, eh?