The guys did apologize to me before we went to bed. Jon says he understands that my shaky trust is a consequence of his actions, and he's not mad at me. That's good...

Jonathan asked me why I didn't trust him (he knows why it's hard for me to trust Jon right now). I told him that...it's his job to protect Jon. If it comes down to choosing sides, I'm pretty sure that in the end, he's going to continue to protect Jon. He said that wasn't really fair, but that I was probably right.

I can't shake the feeling that he/they lied to me. I don't know what to do...Part of me says "let it go" and the rest of me does NOT want to tolerate lying. Betrayal. I'm stuck. I can't "prove" he lied to me and I can't "prove" he was telling the truth. And without "proof", my head just keeps going in circles.

Take care of me? How? I don't get it.
I'm just so tired. He does so many wonderful things for me that it spins my head around when things go bad.