nooo, I don't wish him gone at all.... but it's so hard 'cause I want him in my life more than anything... but I know there's no way I could just be friends with him 'cause I still want more than that. He still wants to be friends too, said I was still the most important person in his life.
But.... I can't stand it, haven't talked to him in a week 'cause I thought it would be best to try and forget about him all together, but I know I'm not gonna be able to... either way, whatever I do it's going to be really really really difficult for me. I'm so torn and such a mess.

I don't have any friends IRL anymore and believe me I try (not in a desperate way)
and I don't have a T yet
in 15 minutes or so I'm going to an appointment with someone who's meant to be helping me build my confidence up to get back to education/work

I have been trying to keep myself busy... done 3 big jigsaws this week lol, keep asking mum to go driving with me (I'm learning)

I know I need to see people IRL... and I have made a point of going out everyday...