Hi jmo, I'm sorry for your pain. As for what to do, it sure sounds like you're doing it; somethings really just come down to slogging through the muck on the mundane level.

As for the pain, I can only say I know what you mean. I'm amazed, even years later, when something can come up to bring back the grief. It can be a memento, a forgotten letter, a song or even a smell, and the wound opens in raw fury as though inflicted anew.

On a brighter note, perhaps, I find there is a gift sewn into the lining of grief in that it seems to scour out many things. When I'm in the sobbing of grief, part of me seems to stand beside myself observing dispassionately the "crying of myself" as though by some unseen force. Then I notice that each seizure of sobbing is about something else, possibly not even related to the loss I'm crying "about." It's exhausting and frightening to be so wrung out of tears, and yet, when it has passed, something is better than it was.

I'm sorry for your pain. It sounds like you are very clear though, despite the hurt. Thanks for sharing this. TC.