I think it is normal to hold back. I do. I have been seeing a therapist for almost three years and I haven't told her everything. I am afraid of being judged. I like her. She is religious. I don't want her to think less of me. I am afraid. I have been diagnosed with ptsd and major depression, anxiety. I once asked her if she thought that I had bi-polar and she said no, but I am not entirely truthful so she doesn't have all the information she needs to make a correct diagnosis. My own fault.
Some things that I hold back on are my promiscuity, my current relationship and my reactions, just how low my self esteem really is.
I don't tell her that there are everyday things that I should be doing, but they hardly ever get done because I avoid them somehow and focus on stupid small things, watch t.v. or surf the internet instead, or talk on the phone sometimes for hours.
In September, I felt great!! Awesome. Like there wasn't anything that I couldn't do! I was invincible. I started jogging to school with my toddler in a stroller and my third grader on a bike. I jogged almost every day for 6 weeks. I became obsessed with exercise. if it rained i did a dvd exercise. I didn't need as much sleep. My house was spotless. I even got up in the middle of the night to go for a jog on several occasions. Everything was going to be fine. I just knew it and I had great plans.
I told my therapist at a few weeks ago, that I did not need her anymore. I was doing great.
Now here it is the end of October. I haven't jogged in two weeks and it is an effort to do laundry and dishes. I am depressed and tired, and irritable and sometimes I can't live without my boyfriend and other times I want nothing to do with him. I am having financial problems and am deciding I need to go back to work, but I can't seem to focus on the internet job sites or resumes. I can't seem to focus on things that truly need to be done. I stay on line too late. I wake up early with my mind racing with all the things tht I have yet to do and should have done yesterday.
I am a mess and thinking of contacting my therapist. I am sorry you feel you can't talk to yours, but I understand. Sorry this is sooooo long, but I hope it helps.
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