I got really stressed out yesterday at my legal meeting for the divorce. I got overwhelmed and behaved badly. Among other things, I bawled out my H's lawyer. And then I practically started crying over something, it was just too much. I couldn't help it. I feel really embarrassed about my unprofessional behavior in this professional context. This is not easy at all, and I am failing at it. After a while, I realized I couldn't function well enough to comprehend what was going on anymore, so I left. It was near the end of the meeting anyway.

T was at the meeting, as usual, as he is serving as the coach. A few hours after the meeting, I emailed him and asked him to reconcile his bill. (We owe him close to $1000.) I told him I really wanted to get all my bills taken care of, and could he provide an update so I could mail him a check. It is highly unusual that I would do this, as we have always taken care of bills in person when I am at his office. So he emailed me back what we owed, and that was that.

Early this morning he emailed me and said he was really concerned about how I was feeling. (Later it made me wonder if it seemed like there was something very "final" about my unusal request for a reckoning of the bill.) He said he was there and listening. It made me feel great to have him realize I needed his support and offer it. Like he was very in sync with me. I emailed him back, just a few sentences, and let him know what I was feeling. I also told him I would like to see him before the next legal meeting, if possible, and did he have any available openings? (We are only meeting every other week now.) That was so bold of me, to ask for a session when I needed it. I felt good about asking for what I needed. T's response: nothing. Haven't heard from him and it's been 14 hours or so. Whatever. Maybe he should have written in his email, "I'm here and listening but don't expect me to respond." Whatever whatever whatever.