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multipixie9 · 04:23 AM

dear mp,

your post was like looking at something i would have written about 15 years ago - seriously - it sounds like me. i would lie in bed all day and dread the need to get up to pick up my 2 daughters. it was horrible and i felt guilty for being in such a bad place. but it was that dark and bleak and d*** hard!!!

BUT, i am still here and it is never that bad now - though i do still have issues and things i must work on. but i never lie in bed all day with horrid thoughts circling my mind over and over. going to my T and getting help from my God and some support from people (sometimes) all helped me sooo much.

that persistent bad thought that you "are not gonna make it" - i honestly believe it is a LIE. it is that mean, critical voice that tears a person down. the positives in your life outweigh the negatives. feelings are powerful but not always true. they can be dead wrong but the strength of the feeling fools us into believing it is "true". don't believe it. you can and will get better. and i do care. and i'll be glad to email if you ever want to do that. i still remember that time and i wish someone had said this to me and been willing to keep on saying it until i could believe it myself. LOOK AT THE NEGATIVE VOICE AS THE REAL ENEMY - not you, not family, not anyone else, but that mean voice is an enemy trying to wear you down from inside your own mind.

i didn't really answer your question how to keep your strength. all i can say is that i kept praying to my God and talking to Him and asking Him to rescue me and my family. play with your kids and let the dust bunnies breed. be nice to you and try to eat decently and sleep and take short walks with the kids, do life even if you hate it and it will get better, it is going to get better.

anyway, not meaning to get on a soapbox, but i do care how bad it feels right now. so just hang in there, ok?

leslie and the pixies