tpnd,
please call someone...anyone IRL who can help you...911...perhaps give your doc another chance
please maintain contact either here or IRL. obviously there is only so much we can do here, but we won't give up on you!
isn't there anyone you trust enough to confide in...sometimes a crisis line can be of help

before I did mention meds to you, and you've now shared that it has been five days since there was an adjustment.
I sincerely believe you need to speak with your doc and soon.
Any med adjustment can cause problems--the increase can be too much/too fast, enough time hasn't passed for any benefit to happen, and there is always the chance that an increase will have a negative impact--it can make you feel worse.
please, try and contact your doc...

it's taking a lot of courage for you to share here...please keep it up.
there is no substitute for the help you can get IRL, though.

you are a worthwhile human being! going through a rough time, for sure. but don't measure your value by this time in your life...what you are going through is one part, not the whole.

jmo, but within your words, I hear desire to live a peaceful life...sometimes it's hard for us to think life will be anything good...
don't give up, tpne. you are strong and will find your way...please don't try to do it on your own, ok?

Cap