((((((((purple))))))))
not sure wether to suggest this, I'm not sure if it'll benefit you, but I'm worried about you

an old friend of mine used to self harm A LOT... her T suggested that when she felt the urge to cut... to grab an ice cube instead and squeeze it
said it was still painful, still stung... but didn't really harm physically (although I'm concerned about freeze burns)

please take care hunny