Well, ... don't usually reach out to anyone, but everyone here seems so comforting I thought I'd give it a try.

I'm at a place in my life where I finally see all the dysfunction in myself and my family. I feel so dumb to have ignored it for so long and pushed it way back in my mind, not showing any emotion. Now though, I'm finding I'm too uncomfortable feeling all this s**t. It's so much to finally SEE and FEEL.... and the future is just a huge question. I'm too old for the future to be a huge question!!!

I continued my screwed up childhood into my adult life by marrying a man that behaves towards me, similar to my parents. Was never good enough as a child and am not good enough now.

I have a sister that is ALWAYS "one-upping" me. Last night she even went so far as to compare my dog to her's and how her neighbors LOVE to take care of her dog and will go over to see it 3-4 times a day-- it's just that loveable!! ( I had to hire someone to come and feed my dog while I was out of town) -- she has been like this to me my whole life- she's 3½ years my senior. My T. tells me, it's because my mom set high standards for the little bit of attention she gave out, we children tried to live up to it---but no one could, although, that one sister came closest- and so even in adulthood she competes with me constantly. And it's also hard to be around her as when I was 14 her husband did some inappropriate things to me, he was 21 at the time. I used to just be numb around her but anymore, maybe due to therapy, I'm feeling things that I'm not comfortable feeling.

I question if therapy was the right way to go--- or maybe I'm just too depressed to think straight right now. It just seems like the client-therapist relationship is "un-real". I've not had anyone accept me like that and be compassionate towards MY feelings. It's not the REAL world- - maybe this therapy thing is just setting me up for a huge let down--- expecting that other people will act like my therapist. I'm confused and tired. Thanks for reading.

Mandy