It's so hard...to be gentle with myself...
I just..have no motivation anymore...
I keep screwing up school.......and then..I keep making this really stupid decisons...
I am just...at a totally stand still, I am stuck..in this horrible time warp..caught somewhere between the past and the present...unable to have hope in the future anymore........
sad part is I know why I make these stupid decisons....and yet I still can't stop myself....
I feel the need to punish myself...to show myself what a screwup I really am....