tired, cold, completely broken. can't really describe it. it's not that bottomless abyss it so often is. i'm angry, i'm fed up, i feel selfish and cruel. i feel like i've worn out my welcome.

how many people can i trust in the world? me? anyone else? i'm scared. i'm in that bad place but i'm confused this time. i feel different about it. i'm used to being in that place but something is different. i don't want to offend anyone, but how can you trust it when someone says they like you? it's so easy to feign interest and to pretend that you're concerned. my friends always turn out to be my enemies it would seem. i can't even count on myself. i wonder why i come here, i'm not much of a help to anyone. i've been here for almost exactly a year, i've met great people, but i still don't feel like i belong. i don't know if i belong anywhere.

my place in the world, do i have one? i feel odd. it's weird how you can feel and how you can try to read what others feel. i wouldn't be missed, in the scope of it. people would move on with their lives and move on to greater things. don't have to see my t this week.

bad thoughts race in my head and i know one thing, i'm really good at justifying bad ideas on how to make this end.