wow. you sound some what like me at times. it can be hard and it can feel like you are alone and that no one cares. but i am sure your friends cares enough about you to take you out. my friends or some of my friends only nice because her boyfriend is friends with my boyfriend and my boyfriend's sister is only nice because i have a little girl from him and his family and sister i feel only nice because of that. i have one good friend and she understands just like it do. At least your friends hang out with you and not hang out with if you don't have a car or anything. My friends or the ones I talk about feeling sorry for me and I don't want that that makes it harder.

But you know. My head tells me things too just like your head too. My life sucks but I have two great kids and I love them to death but I am having problems with one. He is feeling the way I am and he has ADD and he is so mean to his sister and everyone around him and him self. Just like me. I am mean, I feel like no one cares, or like me and I feel like you if I shouldn't exist anymore. I know they would not miss me or care if I die. And I know how you feel about your thoughts always surround anger and hurt and pain. And I know how it feels when you look like you are having fun and I know how it feels when you try to have fun but really all you want to do is hide.

But I am going to say this to you. What helps me. I am happy when I see those I really love and I am happy when I am alone doing nothing but things I love to do. My kids make me happy and my niece and nephews make me happy. And talking to friends who understand make me feel better. You should do that. Do something that makes you happy not others. Only make yourself happy then others will be happy too. But then I understand how hard that would be sometimes. It is hard for me sometimes too. I am here if you would like to talk.