I don't want to live like this, I can't live like this!

my best friends gone! gone forever!!!!! except he hasn't... every minute of every day he's in my mind, I have nightmares about him ..... everything is a constant reminder of him
why is this happening to me
why does my life always turn upside down

I GIVE UP


and you're now thinking.... "there she goes again, another rant about John"..... but he's so important to me! Yes alright, I'm stupid, think whatever you want of me 'cause I don't care I just want this mess to go way and it won't... there's no answer