You are not any of those things that you listed above. I know that you don't feel well and that it's hard to not be hard on yourself, but try to think of things that you can look forward to, or even things that make you smile. There are ways of helping yourself; you just have to learn to use what you have. Another thing you can do is give yourself something fun to do. Something to keep your hands busy or to keep your mind off of things. Turn some music on, something upbeat and giddy, do something that you love doing. Good luck to you and take care