I left a message for my pdoc to call me. The emails kept bouncing. Here's what the email said:

I need some help. I am writing because I can't bring myself to use the phone. I feel confused and sad. Listening to music to soothe me and a shower work only minimally or shortly. I didn't get to sleep until after 4 a.m. this morning because I just could NOT. It took me until then to decide trazadone was really the only option. I never take it because it makes me sleep a LONG time. So it was a last resort instead of staying up even longer. I ended up sleeping until 2 p.m. and my boyfriend couldn't get ahold of me and now he is talking about breaking up with me because "I can't get up and do what needs doing". I just sit here with music on feeling the same, except very depressed. Just keep crying. I don't think anybody has seen me this way in the office ever over the years. I hate my meds and I have been researching the choices you gave me and one moment I decide and the next I can't. My head hurts so much.