TS, you are being far too hard on yourself...

Yes, there are times when my own relationship has stayed at a 70-30...but it's been even between us. There are times when my SO needs it, others when I need it.
It all balances out, believe me, so don't be afraid of it.
You are right about being realistic...life is not a set of rules chiseled in stone with no deviations allowed for any reason.

Sweetie--forgive me if that offends you!--but you are giving what you can and that is all right. Giving what you can does not mean it is lacking or that there is something wrong with you. And, you are most likely giving more than you feel--your concern is a gift in a way. It shows that you care. Please don't fall into that trap of comparing what you are doing and what you think you should be doing--ya can't win that bit of chasing your tail!
--I know because I've tried it...lol

Adding trouble to your relationship? We all add some type of trouble over time...our partners are not perfect, are they? We will do our best to help them, but we don't pound them with guilt or shame, do we?
Why do it to yourself when you are in need of a bit more TLC?

FedEx your guilt to me along with the bat you are using to beat yourself...

Cap