got a b-day card from the Mother today. she signed it "mummy and daddy". what the heck is she trying to pull now?i haven't spoken to her for almost 6 months because i finally confronted her on the fact that i was "born to be a playmate for my sister" and when that didn't work out she basically left me to fend for myself.
years of being abused by the neighbor(and she knew), years of feeling unwanted(reality without knowing it),years of never being "good enough".
the worst part of it is that i can't see my dad.we were never really close(he worked too much) and now he's getting older(79 in Jan.) and i want to spend time with him before it's too late.but the Mother is such a control freak that it's next to impossible.
i have spent so much of my life trying to prove myself to her(i.e. National Honor Society, Salutatorian, Pre-med program,speaking and writing three languages, self-taught musician of several instruments) and all i've heard is "you'd be finishing your residency this year if you'd stuck it out" and "why aren't you speaking german and spanish to your kids".i'm so sick of all of this!
when i was raped she said to my dad"well, i suppose we should take her to the doctor and see if she's pregnant".nothing about how i was feeling.my first suicide attempt she never even came to the hospital.(my pdoc wouldn't release me to my parents and i ended up in foster until my brother became appointed my guardian).when i was taken by Him, the Mother finally reported me as a "runaway" only because social services was going to charge her w/child neglect!!!!
i've tried to reason in my mind why she is like she is(lots of familial stuff), but it does not excuse her actions.how could any mother do what she has done???the worst part is i don't want to be so angry because if she were to die i'd feel so terrible.where does this end???



alikat