Holy *****. I never heard of dysmorphia until you mentioned that. I have almost all of the symptoms except for sucidial ideation and panic attacks.
What exactly is it like? Because I don't think I am all that fat, its just my midsection. I can't go out to parties cause I feel like every girl is staring at my belly and I'm constantly staring at it hoping it gets smaller. Every other body part I can live with and accept.
I understand how you feel when you say you feel so fat and that you don't want to recover sometimes... as I am recovering I have a fear of gaining weight again... but then I realised that being chubby and happy is way better than being skinny and unhappy, then eventually dying. I have lost my happiness since my eating disorder and I've begun to get myself back since starting to recover.
I am glad to hear that you are recovering, its a relief to hear!! I was starting to worry with getting no replies. keep at it. I will try not to think like what you said, only if you promise you will try to discard those thoughts too!
Thanks very much for your reply! Good luck to you too, we will be okay